How to date yourself (and fall in love with your alone time)

Personal GrowthRelationships

Dec 5

Written By Calm Editorial Team

Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA

Looking for a new kind of self-care? Learn how to date yourself, why alone time is good for your mental health, and 10 fun and restorative solo date ideas to try.

Imagine you had plans with your best friend on Saturday night, but after texting that she’s not feeling well and needs to cancel, you have a choice to make. Stay in? Or go out anyway? The sudden void in your social plans can feel both freeing and maybe a little uncomfortable, but it doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy your evening.

Enter: the art of dating yourself and turning solo time into something intentional and fun, instead of something that just happens when other plans fall through.

Dating yourself doesn’t mean rejecting all social plans or pretending you don’t need anyone. It’s about intentionally deepening your relationship with the one person you spend your entire life with — you. It’s the practice of giving your own time and attention the same care you’d give to a partner or friend.

Here’s a breakdown of how to date yourself, why it supports your mental and emotional health, and how to make it feel natural rather than forced. We’ll outline some down-to-earth ideas for solo dates that fit your schedule and lifestyle because self-connection should feel like a treat, not a less desirable plan B.

What does it mean to date yourself?

Dating yourself means intentionally spending time alone in ways that feel enjoyable, nourishing, and true to you. Finding ways to treat your own company as something worth showing up for and planning experiences that reflect your interests, mood, and curiosity rather than waiting for someone else to make them happen.

In order to effectively date yourself, you don’t need to isolate or stop engaging with the world around you. It’s about adding more self-connection to your life rather than take anything away. Dating yourself helps you learn what feels good, what energizes you, and what kind of attention you actually crave. It can be as simple as cooking your favorite meal and sitting down to savor it, or as playful as planning a Saturday “solo adventure” to that bookstore, restaurant, or concert you’ve been eyeing.

When you approach alone time with intention, it shifts from something you tolerate to something you value and even something you look forward to. You’re not filling a gap in your social life — you’re building a relationship with yourself that feels solid, interesting, and alive.

What are the mental health benefits of taking yourself on a date?

There’s growing research backing up the idea that intentional alone time, like dating yourself, can bring real benefits to your life. It’s important to note that alone time is beneficial when it’s balanced. Too much enforced isolation or unprocessed solitude can veer into loneliness, which carries mental and physical risks.

Some benefits of dating yourself include:

Self-exploration and clarity: At its best, solitude allows you to tap into your own thoughts, feelings, and preferences, free from the pressure of others’ expectations.
Reduced stress and mental fatigue: Studies show that spending some time alone can reduce stress, help you recover from social and cognitive load, and give you space to breathe.
Greater creativity and problem-solving: When you let your mind wander without constant external input, you’re more likely to tap into creative networks and come up with new ideas.
Improved emotional regulation: Being comfortable with your own company can help you slow down, reflect, and respond to your feelings rather than react.
Better social relationships: When you know your own needs and boundaries, you’re more likely to show up authentically with others.

How to date yourself: 9 ways to make dating yourself feel more natural

If dating yourself feels awkward or forced at first, don’t worry. You’re not doing it wrong — you’re just breaking a cultural habit that says experiences are better when shared. Explore these ways to make solo time feel less like an experiment and more like something you actually look forward to.

1. Set a clear intention

Before you plan the details, name what you want out of the experience. Are you craving calm, curiosity, fun, or reflection? Setting an intention makes the date feel purposeful rather than just another to-do.

Try this: Set an intention for your solo date, like “Tonight’s intention is calm.” That could mean ordering takeout, turning on a comfort show, and leaving your phone across the room. You could also choose an intention to explore, which might look like trying a new bookstore or hiking a nearby trail.

2. Start small and schedule it

A self-date doesn’t need to be grand to count. In fact, smaller is better, as it builds consistency and confidence. Treat it like a real plan by adding it to your calendar.

Try this: Spend 30 minutes at your favorite café after work, take a short walk with your favorite playlist, or spend a Saturday morning at the farmer’s market. When it’s on the calendar, it becomes official.

3. Add a small ritual that makes it feel special

A ritual is what signals to your brain that an experience is different from regular alone time. It doesn’t have to be elaborate — just something that adds a bit of flair to the mundane.

Maybe you light a candle before your at-home dinner, put on a playlist you love, spritz your favorite scent, or dress in something that feels like “date night energy,” even if it’s just a new pajama set. You’re worth a little ceremony.

💙 Need guidance on making your life special? Check out our Radical Self-Care series on the Calm app.

4. Match your mood to the moment

Instead of searching for “perfect date ideas,” start with how you want to feel, and then choose something that fits that vibe.

Feeling cozy? Make or order your favorite soup and watch a good movie snuggled up on your couch.
Feeling curious? Visit a museum or try a new hobby or community class.
Feeling energized? Go dancing, try a sunrise run, or explore a new neighborhood.

Keep a short list of go-to options you can do at home, that are low-spend, or that are out in the world, so when decision fatigue hits, you’ve got ready-made ideas that match your mood.

5. Stay present but comfortable

Solo time is powerful because it gives you space to notice what you actually think and feel. Which is easier to do when you’re not distracted or feeling uneasy.

Bring one small comfort object, like a notebook, headphones, or a book, if it helps you settle in, and set simple phone boundaries that prioritize being in the real world around you. Try putting your phone on focus mode during the main activity, or promise yourself you’ll only check your phone once an hour.

6. Keep it safe and sustainable

Feeling relaxed is the foundation of a good solo date, so choose places that make you feel secure. Think well-lit public spaces, familiar cafés, and take safe routes home. You can even set a spending boundary so money stress doesn’t sneak in.

If you’re short on funds, free experiences still count! Outings like library trips, park picnics, creative DIY projects, or movie nights at home all count as solo dates and quality time with yourself.

💙 Follow these tips to stay relaxed during your solo dates with our Pump the Brakes on Stress guided meditation found on the Calm app.

7. Normalize the awkwardness

That first “table for one” moment can feel strange and, for some reason, low-key embarrassing. That’s not a sign you’re doing it wrong — it’s just cultural conditioning.

Start in spaces where solo time is common, like coffee shops, bookstores, or movie theaters. Remind yourself that most people are too busy living their own lives to notice what you’re doing. Over time, confidence grows, and what once felt uncomfortable becomes grounding and even a time you crave.

8. Take a tiny reflection afterward

After each date, take one minute to notice what worked. You don’t need to schedule a journal session for this — just jot a quick note in your phone that says something like, “Felt calm after the museum,” or “Coffee and a walk was a great reset.”

Reflecting on your solo time reinforces the benefits like better mood, reduced stress, and more clarity. And it helps you tailor future plans to what genuinely feels good.

9. Balance solo joy with connection

Dating yourself doesn’t mean retreating from everyone else. The healthiest rhythm includes both solitude and social connection, as one gives energy to the other and vice versa.

Alternate solo dates with socializing. Sign-up for a volunteer shift, drop into a workout class, or schedule a dinner with a close friend. It keeps your world balanced. Plus, you just may notice that time with yourself actually makes time with others much more meaningful.

10 ideas for your next solo date

Interested in a solo date but unsure where to start? We’ve got some ideas to inspire you. Pick one that matches your mood, and put it on the books! The solo date doesn’t need to be extravagant. It needs to feel personal and supportive of your goals or morals.

Go see that movie you’ve been waiting for.
Visit a local museum, art gallery, or a public garden and wander without an agenda.
Cook or order one new dish you haven’t tried before, and set the table just for you.
Head to a café or bakery for a treat, and bring a notebook or sketchbook.
Take a solo walk or drive somewhere that gives you a change of scenery — even if it’s just a park in town.
Attend a fun class or workshop, like dancing, painting, or writing.
Spend a themed evening at home with a book, movie, playlist and favorite snacks.
Explore a part of town you haven’t visited before.
Indulge in a self-care night at home with a luxurious bubble bath, a delicious treat, and/or a face mask.
Volunteer for an hour or two for a cause you care about.

How to date yourself FAQs

Why is alone time beneficial?

Intentional alone time gives your nervous system space to decompress and your mind room to breathe. It allows you to slow down, reflect, and listen to what you actually think and feel, without external noise or expectations.

Research shows that solitude, when chosen intentionally, can reduce stress, improve focus, and boost creativity by activating different parts of the brain than social interaction does. It’s also a chance to regulate your emotions, process experiences, and build clarity around what genuinely restores you.

Ironically, spending quality time alone often improves your relationships because you come back to others more grounded, present, and self-aware.

Is dating yourself the same as self-care?

They overlap, but they aren’t identical. Self-care often focuses on maintenance and recovery, like resting, tending to needs, or preventing burnout. Dating yourself leans into joy and curiosity and is about deepening your relationship with yourself, not just taking care of you when you’re depleted.

Think of it as the fun, exploratory side of self-care — the one that reminds you who you are outside your responsibilities. Both are valuable, but dating yourself adds intention, playfulness, and emotional nourishment to the mix.

What are some fun ideas for going on a date with yourself?

Solo dates work best when they match your energy, interests, and resources, not a Pinterest-perfect checklist. Here are a few ideas to spark inspiration:

Catch a matinee or live show you’ve been wanting to see.
Try a “table for one” dinner at a local restaurant and savor every course.
Pack snacks and head to a park or beach with a book or playlist.
Explore a nearby neighborhood or museum at your own pace.
Have a “home date” with a theme: homemade pizza night, DIY spa evening, or a film marathon.

The goal isn’t novelty for novelty’s sake — it’s carving out space to do things that make you feel connected, energized, or simply content.

Why does dating yourself feel awkward at first?

Because it’s unfamiliar. The world views social activities as “normal” and solo ones as something to explain or justify. Sitting in a café alone or going to a movie solo can trigger self-consciousness, and not because it’s wrong, but because it’s different from what you’re used to.

That awkwardness tends to fade once you experience how freeing it can feel to do something purely on your own terms. Start small, in spaces where solo time is common, and remind yourself that most people are too wrapped up in their own day to notice you at all. With practice, the initial discomfort shifts into calm confidence.

How often should I go on a date with myself?

There’s no fixed formula. What matters most is consistency and intention. Some people benefit from a short solo ritual every week, like a Sunday morning coffee and journaling session. Others might plan one longer self-date each month.

The right rhythm depends on your schedule, energy levels, and what feels restorative rather than forced. If you’re new to it, start small and build from there. The point is making regular space to reconnect with yourself before burnout or loneliness sets in.

What are the dos and don’ts of dating yourself?

The most successful self-dates are intentional, gentle, and free of judgment. A few guiding principles can help you keep it meaningful:

Solo date do’s:

Plan dates that match your mood, time, and budget.
Treat them as real commitments, not “bonus time.”
Let yourself enjoy them fully without multitasking and guilt.
Reflect afterward on what felt good or surprising.

Solo date don’ts:

Use solo dates as a way to avoid all social contact.
Force an activity that doesn’t genuinely appeal to you.
Overthink how it looks to others — this is about how it feels to you.
Turn it into a performance of “self-improvement.” It’s not a test. It’s time with you.

Ultimately, dating yourself is about building self-trust, one small act at a time. When you treat yourself with the same interest and generosity you’d offer someone you love, you start to realize how much your own company has to offer.

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Calm Editorial Team